Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Be who you already are.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

The sadness was still there.

Bianca Censori dares to bare in sheer black top and tiny shorts on NYC outing with Kanye West - Page Six

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

And the sadness?

When a dog smells another dog’s poo or wee, do they then remember that scent for when they smell it again, or even further know which dog they are smelling if they know the dog?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It’s here now, writing to you.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Recently, I cleared my JP Morgan coding round. Next, I received mail for a video interview. What kind of questions are asked in this round? How do I prepare myself?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

I had run out of hope.

ChatGPT outage shows just how many people are using AI at work - MarketWatch

I was tired of trying and failing.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

I was tired of fighting.

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What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

What is the boldest and craziest thing your mother has ever done for you?

It’s still here.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

You are like me, then.

Why do some people admire Latin American cultures but not want to be from or live in those countries?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

How are you able to read words without vowels? - Live Science

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

There's no way Republican Trump won all seven swing states. How was he able to cheat and steal the election?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.